Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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