I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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