There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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