I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
