to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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