do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
