lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
