I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
