Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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