she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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