tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
