You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
