god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
