i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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