I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
