I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
