I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
