At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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