if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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