So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
