i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
