So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
