there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
