i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have post one night stand depression
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
