Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
