I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
smell my finger.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
