Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
