there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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