I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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