All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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