Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
