mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
