from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
