Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
