hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
