ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
