Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Be still, my beating vagina.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
