Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
