I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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