You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
