I CAN MOONWALK!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
