even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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