Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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