my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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