A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
