Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
