I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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