You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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