Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
