You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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