I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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