Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
