um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
