i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
